Captain SuperPants

A weekday morning conversation between husband and me

Raghav: Hey, have you seen my phone?
Me: No, not really. Did you check the nightstand? Your desk?
R: Not there.
Me: Really? Ok,let me call you?
R: It’s on silent mode.
Me: 😒😒😒
R: You know what, try calling. Maybe it’ll vibrate and knock something over.

A pause.

Me: The magic in our marriage never ends, does it?
R: Oh just call me, already.

Five minutes of absolute silence later.

R: The battery must have died.
Me: How about you use the “Find my iPhone” feature?
R: I already did. Last known location is our House.
Me: Ok, let’s think about this. Where did you last see it?
R: *Clapping slowly* If I remembered that, wouldn’t I go looking there myself?
Me: Whoa, lots of sarcasm from someone who lost his workout pants last week! How does someone lose his pants?!!
R: *itwasatthegymshuddup*
Me: What was that? A little louder?
R: Pants were at the Gym. Good thing I had an extra pair, huh?
Me: Ok firstly, your pants were in the Lost and Found bin at the Gym. The gym employees and I had a good ten-minute laugh about it. Secondly, tell me all the places you looked. The phone has got to be here somewhere.
R: *counting on fingers*. Checked the gym bag, the Nightstand and my Car. Not there. Did a clean sweep of the Desk. Phone’s vanished.

A little bulb clicked in my head. I wondered why I hadn’t thought of it sooner.
Now I don’t know about your husbands, but mine is blessed with a superpower. He can’t fly or turn invisible or something lame like that.
No, his superpower is far more useful.
If he insists that a missing object isn’t in a particular place and he’s “sure” because “God, I already looked a million times there, Pavi”, then you can stop searching.
Because, that missing item will be in that exact same place.
Honestly, it’s magical. Exasperating but magical.

So ignoring the nightstand and the gym bag, I walked over to his desk. Took me less than 10 seconds to find the iPhone hiding under a file folder. It grinned devilishly at me, so I jabbed it into the charging dock with a little more force than necessary.
R: So on the desk, huh?
Me: Yup.
R: Well. Hmmm. Right. I’m off to the gym. Love ya!
And with a sheepish grin on his face, my Superhero Husband drove off; his gym bag bulging under the weight of the 3 extra pairs of pants I put in.

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