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Groucho Marx



Today I’m feeling like lists, so here goes.
Things that really annoy me :


  • People who brag about how little sleep they got – we get it! Coworkers, cashiers, random people you run into. Somehow this is meant to convey a sense of superpower : “I slept for just 2 hours and look how functional I am”. Well, I got news for you! I see all the surreptitious yawns you think you’re hiding and I’ve seen corpses look fresher, so here’s your damn medal. Now shut up about sleep!
  • Not-so-obvious racists : See these jerks are worse than overt racists because you can never spot them coming. You’re standing in line at the grocery checkout, and you get this weird vibe coming off Cashier Susan who’s quick to smile and greet every white customer. But when it’s my turn, Cashier Susan will grunt a non committal sound, lose the chirpy eye contact and rush through the process, before smiling widely at the blonde lady next in line. I’ve seen Cashier Susan for a few years at my local Supermarket, and I’ve tried to excuse her behavior, but you can only get snubbed so many times, before you give up in the face of subtle racism.
  • Teenagers who whisper and giggle (and point): God, were we this obnoxious as teenagers? I get that everything is superficial in today’s world where Instagram queens are crowned and dethroned everyday and boys are only as cool as their next Snap, but do teenagers really have to be so obvious with their eye rolling? At my favorite bubble tea place, these teens were giggling and whispering, all because an older woman at the counter was trying hard to figure out what toppings she wanted in her milk tea and was obviously mispronouncing everything. Every time she said “boboa” wrong, out came the muffled snickering and the eye rolling. I was glaring away at them, but they were so caught up in their teenage-perfection bubble that they probably didn’t even register the random Indian lady giving them the stink eye. I almost said “Now look here young lady” a few times, but then my nerves got the better of me and I shut up.
  • People who cut in line- Hoo boy, this is one of my top peeves. Your fancy sports car does not give you a free pass to whiz into my lane without warning. Because guess what – I’m carrying my little kid in my car and I most definitely DO NOT want to brake suddenly just because your entitled ass couldn’t be bothered to turn on the blinkers. 
  • Busybodies – You know the type. They always a quip to offer or advice to give. They’re loud, persistent and never helpful. They’re the ones who mumble “if that was my child”. These nosy parkers are best ignored.  But if you’re feeling up to it, put your coffee down, secure your kid and unleash your inner demon. Politeness doesn’t always work with them, so feel free to gnaw on their bones, once you’re done devouring them. 
  • Weirdly combative people – they love to argue about everything, even if you were only really paying them a compliment. I remember a teacher from my kid’s school who is like this. When I share an achievement he’s managed to do at home, she retorts “Oh but he never does that at school” Or this nurse from (when I used to) work, who would always bicker about why her meat options were always better than my “rabbit food”( she was obviously so invested in my health).
Deep breath. In and out. In and out. 
And just so that I don’t come across as a total grouch, tomorrow I’ll be posting about the types of people that make my heart smile and cheer for humanity.

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