The one thing I can do.


(Photo by Natalie Grainger on Unsplash)

It’s pretty apparent I have been letting myself go for a while. I’m not very tall — 5’5” if I don’t slouch — so the extra weight shows. Folds exist where there were none before. I make this ungainly “unff” sound after climbing a flight of stairs. And my knees. Oh, my knees are writing angry letters to the editor.

My experience with exercise is a complete novel in itself, albeit a boring one. But hey, I needed to do something. My crabbiness had reached an all-time high, and so a couple of weeks ago, I slammed my hand on the table dramatically, stared into the camera, and said, “this has to change.” 

So I made a plan. And it was a simple one — I wanted to have a positive, sustainable relationship with fitness and not lose my spirit while doing so. So weird diets and insane soul-killing workouts were no longer acceptable. Instead, I’ve been hitting the treadmill, watching my portion sizes, and embracing yoga. After scrolling through pages of videos, I’ve found an instructor who I can bear to listen to every day. Adriene Mishler* isn’t overly perky, doesn’t shove her merch down your throat, and most importantly, has this aura of calm. (You might think being calm would be the norm for yoga instructors, but hoo boy, it would surprise you at how untrue that is.) Even her yoga wardrobe is populated by cool blues and soothing pastels with the occasional pop of plum. For someone like me who has 17 pairs of black leggings, that is a visual treat. Plus, Adriene does 30 day challenges, so even wimps like me can slowly work up to a full sweat by day 10. 

random internet stranger wise person once said that the most challenging part of exercising isn’t the physical aspect. The hardest part is hating the whole process, making excuses, and yet still showing up every day. So that’s what I am doing for now. And while my plan may not sound inspiring or even worthy of a post, I know this to be true:

The world has been sad and shitty this past year. A part of my soul — your soul, will never heal. There isn’t a lot we have control over, and that terrifies me to my Type A core. 

But one thing I can do — show up. So show up, I will.

*Yoga with Adriene on YouTube.

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