I was conversing with my mother-in-law in the kitchen last week as we washed the dishes. And to pass the time and tedium, I took it upon myself to educate her about random internet creeps.
Now, she is pretty worldly and, much like me, enjoys watching people make idiots of themselves. But her experience with perverts and weirdos was limited to 90s era sleazeballs and the odd guy airing his penis in a crowded subway train.Continue reading“Pillow talk.”
My nephew is a firecracker. And not the sedate, sizzling kind. No, he’s the kind who comes wrapped in a tight, trim package, sheathed in fancy plastic and promising simple, wholesome fun for the whole family. He soaks in all the energy around him and lights up like a firefly in the twilight. You think he’ll crackle merrily, maybe even go off with an adorable pop, so you step in close to watch the fun.Continue reading“Firecracker.”
It’s pretty apparent I have been letting myself go for a while. I’m not very tall — 5’5” if I don’t slouch — so the extra weight shows. Folds exist where there were none before. I make this ungainly “unff” sound after climbing a flight of stairs. And my knees. Oh, my knees are writing angry letters to the editor.Continue reading“The one thing I can do.”
They say “sex sells,” but I disagree. If I want to peddle something, it makes little sense to go the skimpy bikini route. Instead, I find myself a wholesome couple – conventionally attractive, yet relatable and normal. I then throw them into an impossible situation and wedge my product/service in there somehow. The scientific formula for the ad would be:
Quagmire + my product/service = violins playing as the couple walks off into the sunset, fingers, and hearts entwined. Ah, they’re soulmates!Continue reading“Soulmates.”
Dogs have their priorities right. They eat plenty, nap when they feel like it, and bark if anyone acts fresh with them. Rain or shine, they’re always happy to go for a walk or dig in the mud, with no worries about the next paycheck or loan interest rates. Adorable, fluffy freeloaders in short, and you can’t help but go “aww” when they trot up to you, tails a waggin’.
Some days, I feel spent even before I set my feet on the ground. Not physically, but on the creative front. I drink copious amounts of coffee, play with the kids, walk the dog and read an excellent book. But when I sit down in front of my screen, I come up with an enormous ball of blah. There are no ideas in the old noggin, not even a kernel of one — all I can hear is the empty echoing of half-thoughts, tumbleweeding across the arid landscape. Evenings have always been my favorite part of the day to write, but recently I’ve begun glancing at the watch, feeling the blankness grow and consume me as the clock approaches 7.
He has always been a cuddle bug. As a baby, he loved to burrow into the crook of my neck, let out a milky sigh, and nod off to dreamland. He will snuggle in bed, on the couch, and latch on like a sloth if you’re on the move.Continue reading“Hold me tight: #thisisAutism”